Mailorder Kids

I wish I had purchased my children from L.L.Bean:

Easy Returns and Exchanges
At L.L.Bean, your satisfaction is always guaranteed. We know it's sometimes necessary to return or exchange an item.We want to make it easy. No authorization from customer service is required when making a return or exchange.

It's been one of those weeks. Actually, Monday was a great day. Our routine flowed smoothly. I did laundry and cooked dinner; the boys played outside nicely. We watched city workers replace a broken sewer line on our street. Then came Tuesday...and Wednesday...and Thursday.

Andrew has diarrhea. Mind you, he is not suffering. It is of the verbal variety, and I am the one who pays. From the time he arose at 6:30 'til Doug left at 8:00, he did not stop talking - no exaggeration. This continued all day. The oratory overflow was coupled with uncontrollable excitement due to visitors coming. A double whammy that has left me completely drained.

Matthew, the sweet baby, has finally awakened from his eight month slumber. I've never experienced the joy of having a child who slept a lot, and a joy it was. I thought maybe he was understanding enough to realize that I couldn't quite manage three needy kiddos and therefore decided that it was probably safer and more enjoyable to just happily stay put in the crib.

This was all before he came to the conclusion that somehow his brothers were able to go from one place to another, often at rapid speeds. Considering that achieving such feats must require a good deal of practice, he has been trading sleep for training. He pushes and scoots, rocks to his knees and rocks back. (One day he was left in Andrew's care for 5 minutes, and upon my return I found him 5-6 feet away from the starting position. I still don't know if he managed it on his own or had some help.) The added exercise has increased his appetite and interrupted my sleep.

And speaking of sleep (or the lack thereof), the two aforementioned children are completely messed up. Andrew has gone to bed at 6 pm (literally fallen asleep at the table) only to awaken before 5 am. Not content to be alone at such an early hour, he visits us, we send him back to his room, and he awakens Stephen. Similarly, Matthew's naps have not been in sync with our scheduled afternoon rest. Andrew could certainly do without and Stephen can if he has to, but it is in everyone's best interest if I have some time alone.

And then there is Stephen. I still can't make up my mind on him. He's earned and lost his big rig (a reward for successfully completely #2 in the appropriate place) several times this week. He occasionally regresses to babyhood, wanting to be rocked or requesting a cup with handles. He is, however, the comic relief to all this madness. At bedtime Doug read about King Saul. "It's kind of like 'sawing.'"

In the end, I guess I'll keep them. I'm sure it would cost too much to send them back.